I need some super glue for the wrinkles on my face
I just want people to know I'm from the human race
I use to have long dark hair to the middle of my back
Now I buy all kinds of things to help me grow it back
When I go to the store I find rack and racks of creams
How do I make up my mind? I'm busting at the seams
Then there comes the bunion feet with corns all in a row
And when I have to cross the street I go tippy-toe
Now there are garments to hold skin tight
They come in flush or black but ther're so uncomfortable,
they come off at night
They have these things called contacts,
they change the color of your eyes
My friend goofed, one brown, one blue
Oh my! What a surprise
They have creams for all types of skin
To plump up wrinkles and hold fat in
But at night you wash it off
And in the morning you start again
We have false eyelashes and fingernails
Padded boobs and padded butts
What do we do when all else fails
Right now my life's in a rut
We know gravity makes all things fall
But a bra will push up
Won't somebody invent a full body bra
To start at the feet and go up!
They say women should wear three inch heels
To help make her look tall
But who'll be there when her head reels
And catch her when she falls?
Do you know what makes me crazy
The hair on my lip and chin
I swear to you, I'm not lazy
But I don't want to shave...again!
They've got all kinds of glue for the teeth
To help you keed your smile
When they come loose you're filled with grief
And hold them in hour hands a while
Now I don't need no pills
To make me sexier then I am
I tell my husband Bill
"Catch me if you can!"
But now he can't move so fast
Viagra was to slow
Now all his dreams are in the past
That's all he needs to know
They say you don't need plastic surgery
You get all Ingredients in a kit
But I'm not young, I'm in a hurry
It didn't work for years so I quit
So what do we have to do to look young?
Plastic surgery is the answer for me
Of course we could be born again
Either one works for me
